Love For The One You Can't Have

This is an ode for those who have experienced the solitary, lonely place in God's loving presence. Those who have tasted sometimes are altered so that nothing else will do. They've tasted the highest love and cannot settle for lesser loves, but yet the desire for lateral love remains as a whisper. By God's grace, vertical love triumphs over the lateral.* The poem is also for those who have experienced deep heartbreak and rejection.

Love For The One You Can't Have

Vials and bottles on Heaven's shelf
       are filled with tears dripped by self
Collected they are, by my winged escorts
       dripped grief-drops of all sorts.
Running into position, I go again
       to the embrace of my eternal friend
              between the trusted hands of
                     the olive press.
Slow-squeezed-cranking out my duress,
       the stress of duress under an olive press
squeezes 100% pure essence - no less.

Is this a true virgin olive oil?
       To the victor goes the spoil.

I used to toot a jazz-tune called
       "Love for the one you can't have".
On my wounds
       the sounds were salve.
Audible translation of healing balms
       like straight out of the book of Psalms —
Temporary relief for life's rejection,
       a transitory shelter
              my pro tem protection.

That worldly song pointed me there
       to Otherworld
              — the Judah Lion's lair.

You see, that love for the one
       you can't have
(whether not for today
       or never to have)
drives us to God's faithful one
       Heaven's Darling,
              the only begotten Son.
Rejection, whether real or perceived
       brings reward
              when properly relieved.

Lateral love, misguided as it may be,
       can bring in close the Son who sets free.
When overturned to side, it points one up.
       Sour dregs to lemonade,
              sipped from the cup
Rejection, whether real or perceived
       reveals Godly treasure,
              when properly relieved.

— Tony Mujica © 2012
 
 

"Fragrant Pressing, Fragrant Blessing"
Graphite on paper
Tony Mujica © 2008

When I am squeezed what comes out of me?

 

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* note: "Vertical love triumphs the lateral." This is a reference to the vertical and horizontal aspects of man.

Vertical
Built into mankind is a vertical longing. Man was created to love God. It may be expressed in negative ways, through drugs, sex, etc., but the root desire is a longing for God. The vertical (when aligned with God) goes straight to God outside creation.

Horizontal
Also built into man is horizontal longing. Man was created in relationship to a larger element, creation. Man wasn't made to be alone. Despite Cain's Genesis cry, we ARE our brother's keeper. Like John, the revelator, we are not to worship angels. They are beings created within the horizontal aspect. Worship is meant to be pointed up through the vertical, to the one who stands outside the bubble of creation. Worship directed sideways is idolatry.

The Cross
Together the two form a cross. The shorter crossbeam is sideways, parallel to the ground. It isn't rooted (without the tall centerbeam, it remains on the ground). Man's priority focus was originally on the longer beam (Longer beam, vertical = Primary emphasis, God), which is rooted in the ground and extends toward Heaven. Adam in his original state was totally reliant on God.

Emphasis on God alone is incomplete. Without the horizontal, a cross is just a lonely pillar. God enjoys us corporately, as well as individually. Our interaction with each other is part of His design.

THE WAY OF MY HEART

This unsettled soul finds comfort in the strangest of things. The spiritual disciplines bring softness to my heart. In them, I find myself attuned to the joys and grieves of my God. It's through a lifestyle of voluntary weakness, that I find His strength, securing me in a world that seems to be falling apart.

Anthony of Egypt (a.k.a. St. Anthony, first of the Desert Fathers and Mothers, founder of the monastic movement, and my namesake) set out for the desert wilderness to find the deep treasures of God. He lived at a time when Christians were no longer being persecuted. Under Emperor Constantine, Christianity became the Empire's religion. Because of the Empire's acceptance of followers of "The Way" (as Christianity was called, back then) many believers became complacent in their faith. They became luke-warm. Persecution and the threat of martyrdom were the driving forces that lead disciples of Jesus into deep communion and intimacy with God. Anthony craved the depths of God when all around him was shallowness of spirit.

By engaging in voluntary weakness through Prayer, Fasting, Silence, and Solitude, Anthony found what he was looking for. He patterned himself after Jesus and John the Baptist(who both knew the wilderness). Grunewald's "The Temptation of Saint Anthony" (the painting shown here) depicts Anthony in battle with his demons. The spiritual disciplines, when engaged, have a way of highlighting our inner demons. But Anthony rose high above his tormentors. His pursuit in the desert brought him into close friendship with God. He became a thriver, not just a survivor. Anthony returned from the desert some twenty years later. He was a changed man. He walked with the power of the Holy Spirit. Wherever he went, miracles, healing and the presence of God's power accompanied. He attracted a group of followers, who wanted what Anthony had. This group followed Anthony back into the desert. They became the Desert Fathers and Mothers. This started the monastic movement in the Christian Church.

There is a similar movement happening right now. God is raising up a group of people who are hungry for His presence. They are a people of ONE THING, to tabernacle with the Lord and gaze upon His beauty (Psalm 27:4). They are tired of compromise - of living a life of stale abnormal Christianity, and must have "Normal Christianity" (full of power, driven by love) as in The Book Of Acts.

For more info on Anthony and the Desert Fathers, read Henri Nouwen's classic,"The Way of the Heart".